Today went extremely well as a first day of school, met lots of great parents, Kenzie adjusted well to the computer (plopping right down in front of a computer) and both she and her teacher said it went well.
In particular she said, “I wasn’t shy”.
I was happy to learn about them having PE every day, rock climbing every week, and swimming once a month! Compared to other schools I’ve talked to this is FABULOUS.
Then why do I still feel guilty? Why am I up at 4am having a bad dream?
Thinking back to when she said “I wasn’t shy” I am concerned that she is burdened with too much “act right” pressure, that she feels that being shy is a bad thing and that she must not do that.
She has been telling me all summer she doesn’t want to go to school, and that she would rather stay home all day with me and Geoff. This wouldn’t be so hard to hear except that I really kind of want that too, I have been following a thread on unschooling and other homeschooling resources and really thing that it would be a fabulous way to raise kids, especially mine.
The but of the moment is a money but. It’s ugly because while it doesn’t have to cost money to homeschool, it definitely does require time and a real focus on the kids and what they want. Not a problem except that we are really needing to make more money at this point and unfortunately coordinating this is taking time. Time I’d rather spend with her, but money for food and rent is something really important.
When we talk about it usually the conclusion is that we need more “stability” to be able to provide a good homeschool experience. I’m not completely bought into this but I mostly am. I feel horrendously guilty for not having our situation more stable though.
I fear that she is simply putting in her time, humoring us in trying school out, for us to let her learn at home.
Hopefully I’m wrong and she will end up loving school, there are some girls she mentioned meeting that she is excited to become friends with so that’s good. Also we living within walking distance to the school so that is GREAT, we are all getting more exercise already which is something we’ve been meaning to do anyway!
Geoff and I are jumping into volunteer roles in the school and so will be there a lot, it will be fun to see how the rock climbing goes tomorrow, I think she will have a blast.
So yes, we will keep trying it out and I will do what I can to get some sanity via unpacking and organizing our stuff that is still not organized….like clothes….to help make life easier for all of us, get a couple of projects rolling out (like mom cards) and see how it all goes!
For now I’m looking forward to taking Kenzie to school tomorrow to see how she’s interacting with her classmates…I really hope I see a happy girl when I walk away tomorrow.