Am I Normal?
What is Normal?
I’m really not sure, I mean, I know I’m not normal in a lot of ways, I am clean but messy, definitely organizationally challenged in other words. Also I have experienced being legally kidnapped when I was 14 and sent to a boot camp. I have also experienced life on the streets, though not for long after running away from a cult like boarding school you can read about in the news to this day.
I am thirty, and I have three kids, no job, and am happily married. I had my first baby before getting married and fortunately was able to leave the abusive situation that relationship had turned into. We get along now with a couple thousand miles between us and I value our friendship both past and present.
I went to high school, but not just one, I went to a total of four high schools and two colleges during high school, eventually getting a ‘normal’ diploma from one of the High Schools. I was on the year book staff and my name ended up being misspelled my senior year.
I am in touch with about two people kind of/almost four from high school.
I’m terrified of losing my kids to the public school system, that they become conformed into good little people that the man wants them to be. When I say “the man” I feel like the teacher in School of Rock. I do sometimes wonder if I would be a good teacher, if I were to pursue that I’m attracted to working with middle schooler’s, maybe in the special education or gifted classes. I also wonder if I’d make a good/crazy art teacher. I was the president of the art club my final year in high school which sounds cool…but there was only one other person that was even a part of it.
I felt like I was grown up and dreamed of emancipation since I learned the word, which I think happened sometime in middle school. I would like to be someone who could teach kids about that option, and to let them know whether they pursue it or not, they will not be kids forever. Promise.
I wonder if or should I say ‘how’ my kids will rebel. My husband was a gen X punk/goth/football captain and I was one of the smart, artsy, druggie kids during my teenage years, though wasn’t actually doing drugs most of the time. By the time most kids seemed to be starting to experiment I was pretty much done, that was SO childish.
I think I’m really good at acting normal. I usually don’t have any problem talking to just about anyone, except for my family, which I suppose might be normal, but then I’m not sure, hence the title of this post.
I know I’m pretty smart, I mean according to test scores I’m in the top 5% intelligence wise. I know this because when I was sent to the boot camp in Utah they gave me an IQ test I managed to get a hold of recently. It qualified me for Mensa, which I was a member of for about a year, then I didn’t have money to continue as a member.
I like working in technology, though the only reason is because I see it as a painfully simple solution to SO many problems…it drives me crazy that people don’t see this. I don’t know if it is because I’m missing something or because they are, but it really does drive me nuts. I think that a HUGE variety of problems could be solved by utilizing a few simple, often free tools available online.
One thing I’m not particularly smart about, aside from organization is focus. I have so many things on my mind at a time that not much actually gets done. Right now I’m thinking about my “Medical Analytics Fantasy”. I’m thinking about the laundry that has to get washed and also the laundry in the washer needing to get dried. I am wondering what the girls are doing in the bedroom, they are suspiciously quiet. I hear Zazen crying, and I feel like I’ll probably need to go pick him up soon and forget all the other stuff I mentioned. I’m totally excited to go plant things since Geoff just totally prepped my garden. I am wishing the dishes would magically wash themselves. I am thinking of the wonderful people who came to my house today to discuss some non-profit type stuff, and wondering if the info I got from Geoff will relate to it regarding a 503 something and last but not least, I definitely need to use the restroom.
I also had a stroke when I was 18, they said it was because of birth control combined with having a PFO. A PFO is a Patent Foramen Ovale, which is a hole between the chambers of the heart, supposedly lots of people have that and it might lead to migraines! I don’t have migraines…I had my PFO closed surgically when I was 20. I’m also diagnosed with something called a “Vitreal Separation” something else I was told is VERY normal, when one is about 80 years old. They found this around the age of 20 or so. Having a vitreal separation means I see things, lots of floater-like things. I thought it might be flashbacks. I wish they’d go away. I had a mean doctor who said that anyone who might tell me they can fix it is wrong, and to ignore them.
I also have MS, and I kind of think being sent away as a kid and the resulting strangeness might have something to do with it…I don’t think people believe that though.