Overwhelming Urges

I am a person who feels strongly about a lot of things, almost everything it seems sometimes. If I am watching the news, a movie, or reading a story that is serious, I feel this intense need, responsibility even to let everyone who might be affected know.

On the other side, sometimes to protect myself from being totally overwhelmed with problems of the world, I will put up a sort of wall that pushes people away, unfortunately only those closest to me ever seem to get to see that side of me.

Most people seem to just feel instantly comfortable around me, in an almost odd way. I often have people telling stories about their past before we’ve even exchanged names. Today for instance a man, older than me, who was working on a house in my neighborhood, felt the need to come over to talk about his experiences of when he was a child attending a school relatively close to where I live. He estimated he was about 8 or 9 and was vividly recalling his experience of being bussed to the area and beaten up, being held down, closing his eyes, pretty gruesome details.

I feel honored yet almost intimidated at how comfortable people are sharing this kind of information. I am glad that he was able to tell me, clearly it was on his mind and could have come out in worse ways had he held it in. I’m glad that I was able to serve him by listening to his story, helping his rock on his shoulder get a little bit lighter as a woman I know once described it.

When too much of these problems are going on though I feel almost a need to hide from the world, this is something that isn’t typical of me but I have felt it recently as my energy has been down and I’m more easily overwhelmed than usual. I worry about the kids who don’t know why they were sent away or when they will ever come home, or worse if they will ever again be welcome if they do.

I worry about the children of dads who are still kids themselves and have no idea of the impact their immature actions are having on the development of them as people.

I feel obligated to do what I can which is a part of my problem, see, I see solutions to just about everything that I have mentioned and more, though haven’t been able to rally support for the ventures I want to embark on that will adequately address them, and I am just one person.

I’m having a heck of a hard time with this whole sensitivity thing, and am sharing this in hopes it will help me snap out of it a bit.

I’m so so grateful that my husband understands my need to not have a tv in the house and has learned to enjoy not being so imposed upon by media…I saw a commercial someone linked to on facebook the other day for a car that had me nearly in tears because I saw it as the reason problems like bullying and intolerance for other people exist and will probably never go away until I or someone like me can find a way to express how dangerous these messages are.

Now my sensitivity has my focus back in the room I’m in and my little Hazel who is clearly in need of something…(see pumpkin below) so I’m going to sign off.

About Kristin

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