Okay…let me gather my thoughts.
I am just coming home from a wonderful optimizing wellness seminar that was featuring Mo Manley, who is always a joy to listen to and talk to of course. On the way home, I realized I would be going by our old house, so it seemed a logical thing to drive by and see if my car was still there. It hasn’t been sold, fixed, or moved in quite a long time. On my way I was pondering if I wanted to drive up the easement to see the house too or not…I hesitated but did end up driving down the easement. The house looked pretty nice. Green grass, the pear trees were doing well, and I noticed a new door as well as the frame for my garden gone. There was a new car parked in front, new to me at least, and so when I backed out onto Dawson I decided to google the address and that’s when I saw what had happened.
Somebody Bought Our Home.
I wasn’t sure what I expected, but I knew that part of me was starting to fantasize about buying it back, keeping it as a home to rent out and sometimes stay at during our travels…I do know that I didn’t expect my reaction.
I cried. I’m still crying. My eyes started leaking almost immediately as the memories of that house started to flood my mind. From my Pregnant Foreclosure Blog to my getting ready to move memories to the joys of my garden and bringing pizza to Geoff and his friends while they were fixing up the house for us to move in.
I remember laboring in that house. I remember seeing it in shambles. I remember when the decision was made to not turn it into an awesome bachelor pad…but instead a family house. I remember being at my apartment on Alki and having him come home late day after day sweaty, dirty, and tired from working so hard to get the house ready for us to move in. I remember Kenzie moving to the wonderful preschool close to the house so she would (in theory) meet friends she would start kindergarten with. I remember the kids playing outside having fun. I remember the kids picking kale, strawberries, peas, pears, plums and more with joy. I remember the sadness when the neighbors cut down their big old trees illegally. I remember loving the house, and I remember more than anything the love that I felt as I saw the house coming together to protect our family.
I remember the sadness at realizing we had to go. I remember the water getting shut off at some point, the electricity too. I remember wishing we could stay. I remember the final loads being packed and not being able to find enough help to manage taking the tub that I loved so dearly. I remember I stopped Geoff from giving it away at some point because I loved it so much. I remember bathing the girls in that tub. I remember laboring in that house. I remember having to leave in an ambulance while in labor with Zazen to make sure he was ok when his heart rate was going down. I remember the plans to paint Kenzie’s room pink…that never happened and I regret that.
I remember the joy of knowing it was our house. The joys of not having a landlord. The joys of the only drama being that which came from other people’s houses. It was my haven, my hug, my base, my home.
I love that house and all the memories it holds. I am sad that when the strawberries come from my plants this year my kids won’t be able to walk right outside and harvest them. They will have plants here, but we are still renters here..it isn’t the same.
I still know that I have a lifetime to live, I know that my husband loves me, and I know we will probably have many homes. For me though, this was our first. Like a first love, a first child, a first kiss, that was my first house that I really really felt was a home. I am very sad to know that it isn’t going to be ours. I think my fantasy of buying it back was really a goal, a plan that I didn’t confess to readily enough and I am so sad to know that it is not an option anymore. I remember seeing it on the market for less than $100,000.00 and I was confident that nobody but me could see the value in it…and I see I was wrong.
I think I cried more for the house than I have on any other day. I hope that the people there love and appreciate that house, and if they don’t want the tub I hope I somehow find out about it and take it back.